sam wassn't a monster.


i am


i am... for doing NOTHING. for just SITTING HERE and LETTING him... butcher them like this. i didn't want this. this wasn't the deal. this wasn't how it was supposed to GO GODDAMMITT!! WHY DO PEOPLE DIE FOR ME??! WHY?? Why when it's ME that you want, you STUPID RED FUCK!??!! JUST COME AND GET ME!! TORTURRE ME!! no tthem.


WHy them...?


the first video... was on the 13th. a school. AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL YOU SICK FUCKSS! They were KIDS! Class after class of KIDS just .. butchered. slaves in Red kept anyone from leaving as that BITCH Morgan... worked his way through the schooll, one by one. ssome of them... were cut clean in half. guts everywhere on the floor. others were... beheaded. others had that... blade driven straight through them. others... mostly the ones that tried to run... had all their limbs cut off. Just left them. left them to bleed out while they... cried... and screamed for their moms and dads and I just... some of them... i,... i swore i saw Leo among them but i know... i know that's just,... that's not possible. but i heard his screams just as clear in my head as every single kid. teacher. the secretaries and principle... even the janitors... were all focused on. one by one by one by one...

there was... one woman. a teacher. during a pause amongst the blood and crying and screaming... using her own body as a barrier in a doorway. her students obviously on the other side by the sounds of crying. she begged Morgan... for mercy for the children. not herself. just the children. Sam would have done that, Sam....

for the love of God, they were just babies...


I watched... for what felt like my lifetime. somehow i wound up sitting, though i don't remember that. i couldn't... think... or say... anything. it was like watching a bad horror movie, and you're just... waiting for the heroes to show up. to stop it. to just make it fucking STOP... and once it... clicks... that that was real. That that... really happened....

i threw up

and then i ran

Cypher... followed me to my room. Telling me how I should have expected it. should have beenn.... prepared for it. But how do you prepare for that?? HOW? it wasn;t supposed to  be this way. I swore to PROTECT the people, not be the REASON they get... cut apart...

He... told me not to talk about it. That it would just... prove to Red-Fuck that he was hitting the right buttons.


so i kept my mouth shut.

i didn't say ONE FUCKING THING.


but it didn't stop


another video on the 17th. this one was... at a church during Sunday Mass. packed full of believers. the choir was singing... right up until Morgan booted his way in. and beheaded the first person he saw. A man. mid-fifties. He dropped like a sack of potatos... and his head was kicked down the center alley like a soccer ball. Splattering its way down and eventually rolling to a stop at the steps up front. Everything... came to a deathly silence. Shock. Disbelief. Then... raw panic and screaming. a rush for exits that were already blocked... and, above it, Morgan yelled for the choir to sing. He... told them... that if they SANG they would LIVE. And... they did. they lot of them... started singing... even as Morgan's blade reaped death after death. same as the school. One by one. Making sure the camera caught each one. For me. each death... that was on my hands. they wanted me to see it. watch it. feel it. and i... did. i couldn't not watch as every member of the church was cut down, save the choir and the padre... and then he started cutting down the choir. their songs turning to screams and pleads that... he keep his word.... again and again, "you said" "you said"...

just like i swore to Serve and Protect, ain't it?

He slaughtered them like he'd done the rest, just.... blood on white gowns... blood on stained glass... on wooden floors and carvings of angels... all just... painted red until the last scream stopped and the camera turned focused in on the padre. the last one alive. Lying on the floor. cut up and bleeding out, but not dead. not dead yet, though he probably wished he was when Morgan started... ripping his robes off...

the next one... was at an orphanage.


The one after that... was a community center. they were having a charity event...


after that... was a hospital.



and every place... every person... who asked why. who... begged for mercy... every child and doctor and wife and husband and teacher and INNOCENT...

Morgan told them who's fault it was.

mine.

"How about you beg for ALEX to save you?"

i can't.... i can't get their voices out of my head.

i can't make it STOP. It has to fucking STOP it's ENOUGh it's...

today... an hour ago... they sent a new one.

they tracked down every member... of my old team.

i started screaming when i recognized the first house. Annie's house. Cypher grabbed me from behind.  fought to keep hold on me and slammed me back againsst a wall. trying to make... me focus. to snap me back. but i just... it was on the screen. SHE and HER FAMILY were on the FUCKING SCREEN and she... 

they tortured her.

told her the same things until she... screamed for me to help her just like they all had.

Until her family... was screaming too. He tortured... Annie... until she was near the point of no return. Near it, but still aware. And that's when Morgan... turned his attention to her family. Her husband and three boys. Andrew, 17. Sean, 15. And Chris, 12. Morgan... castrated the two youngest... and then he raped Andrew. The eldest. And then raped the father. Each tortured during and after... until the last one alive was Annie. Spitting blood and cursing Morgan...

and cursing me.

before she received the same treatment.

only... her final death came when he... he took her skull and smashed it into the floor until it... broke open. Until I... i could see her... brains through the mush of blood and bone. Digging his... fingers in and... cracking it open all the way. he just... didn't stop. Death wasn't even ENOUGH he just... started mutilating every part of her and... and then stringing her up. Stringing them ALL up like turning the entire famliy into some... ddemented art display...


showing me the finished product of my own... my own actions. my oown... inactions...


it was Annie.

it was ANNIE!! how could i...? how could i have... left her to that...?  to suffer through that...?! to MORGAN!?! HOW?!!


how could i have... left them all... to thatt...?

the next house i saw on the screen.... was Cho's. his... heavily-pregnant wife. And his mother-in-law and father-in-law. 

then Patrick's place. he was... woken from bed with his fiance.

then Madeleine... she'd... just come home from a date, it looked like...

They left Jacob for last.

My partner.

A widower. Only had his teenage daughter left.

Morgan... took his daughter away first. made him listen to her screaming from her bedroom... until the screams and cries got weaker and weaker. Jacob was crying. Cursing and crying. Begging for his daughter. And when they took him in to see her, they took the camera too... and i... 

i had never seen so much blood from one person.

covering everything. splattered everywhere. dripping down. Grace was lying on the bed. naked. obviously raped. body torn open. dead eyes staring up at the ceiling... where my own name had been smeared in her blood...

Jacob started sscreaming. collapsing to the floor.

then it was his turn

and i just... i...

it's my fault

i've watched... every single face. heard every word. watched every death.

too much death

it's TOO MUCH FUCKING DEATH

i'm not worth this

i'm not

i...

i can't do this anymore

i can't WATCH this anymore

i can't.

i can't...